When the summer break breaks you

S.O.S Summer Break has arrived.. for my kids

School’s been out for two weeks here in Italy, and I made the brilliant decision to take a break from all things work-related. And by “brilliant,” I mean it’s kind sending me on a hormonal loop of my own making while attempting to manage the heatwave from the outside in. Here’s what I’ve come to realize during this little break:

I’m menopausal.

I have a full-throttle teenager.

And now, apparently, I also have a preteen with enough attitude to rival both of us combined.

What am I supposed to do with that? Add in the fact that it’s now a scorching 30°C (that’s 86°F for the rest of you), and my hot flashes have become some kind of hellish superpower. The sun is mocking me. My air conditioning is technically working but spiritually absent. And, I’ve folded my duvet into a body pillow. I now sleep with a sheet that feels more like paper than comfort. And … It’s not even July yet.

Between the hormonal rollercoaster, teen drama, preteen sass, and the Mediterranean oven I’m living in, I’m honestly not sure what’s happening anymore. All I know is something’s gotta give and it better not be me.

Let me be clear, taking bio identical hormone replacement therapy or HRT does not mean that the normal symptoms that come with menopause are alleviated. I still feel hot. I still feel these waves of emotions crashing down on me. Just not as intense as before my HTR journey. I still feel sadness, especially when I dream about my deceased husband. Just not as often.

At times I see women my age as I’m walking down the street. She is absolutely flipping out on her family. And I have an overwhelming empathy for her. I can see my symptoms exemplified. I can see that she cannot find peace within herself. I can see her family desperate to understand how to help her. She is me. I am her. We are all this woman.